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  • Susan Elizabeth

On Loss, Love and Healing


Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 84 years old had he stayed here on earth. He is celebrating on the other side. Yesterday, December 18th, was the anniversary of his crossing over when I was just thirteen. He was, and still is, my everything.

I have had many, many years to "heal" from the loss of my Dad, but it still hurts, even now. It hurts a bit more at this point in my life because I think of all the things I never got to tell him, all the things I never got to do with him, how I will never really know him as an adult - I only remember him through the eyes of the child that I once was. Being a medium, you would think that it would somehow be easier for me, but it's not. I do talk to him but I don't hear his responses as I do when I communicate with other peoples' loved ones who have crossed over.

The night my Dad crossed over is permanently etched in my memory. I heard him fall and I was the first one who got to him. His skin was blue from not being able to breathe as he was in the midst of having a massive heart attack. I remember his eyes looking up at me so vividly. I believed, for many years after that, that he was pleading with me for help. It never occurred to me that I was only 13. A child. It was a night of chaos, panic and horrific loss. He never made it to the hospital. He crossed over in the ambulance.

My most profound healing came years later when I called a medium on the phone. Something I had never done before. I was nearly thirty years old and was not a practicing medium. The very first thing she told me was that my Dad knew I couldn't help him; he was just trying to tell me he loved me. It was a life-changing moment for me. It felt as if a boulder was taken off of my shoulders. I cried and cried and cried. All that guilt I held for all of those years was released. It was life changing.

We all heal in different ways and on different timelines. We must not judge anyone going through any loss as each person is an individual. Each and every one of us is entitled to heal in our own time and in our own way. My own loss (I have had many) has gifted me with a very deep understanding of my clients' loss, their pain and their joy when I can connect them to their loved ones in spirit.

If I can give but one client the gift of healing or removing whatever guilt or burden they are carrying, then all of this and all that I have been through has been worth it.

During this holiday season, know that your loved ones are with you in spirit. They are watching over you and are aware of your life as it is happening now. Know that they love you and that they are at peace, surrounded by unconditional love. The holidays often remind us of their loss, but always remember that their love and connection to us is eternal.


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North Haledon, NJ  |  New Providence, NJ 

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Tristan Gutner

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